Adult children - Help! What do we do now?

September 18, 2021

Seems as though we can never get caught up and life figured out.  First it is marriage.  How do we do it? My husband won't mind me.  Help! Then - the children come.  Goodness, now what do we do?  This question goes on until they leave home.  Phew good!  NOTTA! Now you have adult children to deal with!!!

I recently read a good book: Doing Life with Your Adult Children - Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns.  I read this because I was needing it now that we have grown children and grown grandchildren. I think it had some practical advice. I will share a few of things it said with you all - just in case you might 'some day' need some help too!😟

Four strategies the book gave to help you embrace your new job description as a parent of adult children 

1.  Be encouraging but not intrusive

-be caring and supportive, mentor only when called upon, and be a great cheerleader

-being intrusive means inserting yourself into your child's life in ways that aren't invited or are unwelcome; which often means keeping your ideas to yourself until your opinion is asked for

2.  Be caring, but do not enable dependency

-show loving care to your child but don't keep your child dependent on you

-let the adult children take full responsibility for their finances, actions, relationships, and growth

3.  Invest in your own emotional, physical, and spiritual health- be proactive in caring for your mind, body, and soul

-working on improving these things for yourself will make you stronger for your children 

-they will also help you develop a better perspective on issues you may be facing 

4.  Have serious fun by creating fun and enjoyable experiences you can share with your adult child/children

-this will help lead from a parent-child relationship to an adult-adult relationship

Chuck Swindoll was quoted in the book as saying, "Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."  Just because your children are adults don't stop making wonderful memories with them.

Four guidelines to help you keep your relationship strong and to avoid giving advice when not asked:

1.  Trust that experience is a better teacher than advice

2.  Give respect: no adult wants to be told what to do

3.  Remember you are now a mentor and a coach

4.  Know that your words have the power to bless and to curse

Three principles you can use to help communicate with your children:

1.  Ask open-ended questions

2.  Talk with them, not at them

3.  Speak words of grace

I hope these ideas will give you some guidance and help.  May you have a blessed, easy, smooth transition with your children. So blessed to have them as children and then as friends!!!