I just recently finished up this book. The title originally caught my eye because I have always thought that those parents who had successful relationships with their children had their children's hearts. Now as a grandparent I too want to know how to have my grandchildren's hearts. I want to share with you a few ideas from the book that I hope you will find helpful.
The author said that the parents are the most important people in their children's lives in their early years. Then when they hit the teen years they look to others such as their peers, the culture, and other adults, and you as the parents take the fourth most important position for influence. Don't fight this but use it....to win the keys to your child's heart.
1. Widen the circle of influence for your children. Let them be around good coaches, teachers, Godly families, next-door neighbors, relatives, youth pastors, mentors, and friends who care about your child and are willing to steer him or her in the right direction.
2. Time is not on your side so use your time wisely. Don't wait to spend time with your kids, as they grow up soon and are gone. Get to know your children. There should be a number of quality times! Step into their world and listen to their hearts. If your child seems busy and not interested in spending time with you then take the little amount of time they might give you and use it as best you can. Relate to them on their level. What are they interested in? Seize the small moments along with the big elaborate times together.
3. Be dedicated and involved in your children's lives. Carve out time to listen to your kids. Set aside your cell phone and turn off the radio so they can have your full attention as you visit. Intentionally schedule a time to do something special with your child such as going out to eat, shop, or to go get coffee. Kids do need boundaries and correction. When your child does something wrong actively listen and communicate with your child before jumping in to correct him.
4. Be consistent! Consistently love, be consistent with boundaries and appropriate discipline, and consistently spend time with your children.
5. Tell your kids you love them and show them you do. Affirm and encourage your kids. Tell them you believe in them and their strengths. Our words matter but our tone is also important. Ask your child to forgive you when you mess up in your parenting. "There is power and freedom in seeking forgiveness. It teaches our children how to forgive." (pg. 149)
6. Don't let fear of failure or inadequacy slip into your mind as you parent. Don't compare yourself or your family to other families. God has put each parent in the place he is in. Look at God and what He has for you. When you as a parent give in to fear it inhibits your parenting. You are a good mom or dad. Listen to the voice of TRUTH!
7. Blend love and discipline for influence. You as the parent as important. You can influence your kids. Think in the long term. Have love, healthy boundaries, and consistent parenting in every season of your children's lives.
Parenting is a big job and can have its difficulties. Hang in there. Seek God and His ways. Keep moving forward! And be sure you kids Know Christ and are saved!!
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